From the Sunday Note, with additional thoughts:
The eleven disciples went to Galilee,
to the mountain to which Jesus had ordered them.
When they all saw him, they worshiped, but they doubted.
Then Jesus approached and said to them,
“All power in heaven and on earth has been given to me.
Go, therefore, and make disciples of all nations,
baptizing them in the name of the Father,
and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit,
teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you.
And behold, I am with you always, until the end of the age.”
Sunday’s Gospel, Matthew 28:16-20
Why did they worship him, but doubt?
It sounds contradictory. But Matthew is following his usual pattern of omitting details of many well-known interactions involving Jesus so he can concentrate on what Jesus says. There is no doubt that disciples doubted. Mark gives us Mary Magdalene witnessing to her encounter with the Resurrected Lord, but “When they (the disciples) heard that he was alive and had been seen by her, they did not believe.” (Mark 16: 9-11) John tells us explicitly of Thomas’s doubts. (John 20:24-25) Luke relates two disciples’ encounter with the risen Lord on the road to Emmaus and how they could not or would not grasp his direct, Scripture-based testimony to his own Resurrection even as they walked beside him! (Luke 24:9-11)
Matthew and the other Gospel writers know well that moving from doubt to belief and worship is not a simple matter like completing a sum in math—rather, it is as complex and as deep as life itself. It is less like “what does 43 + 15 =?” and much more like “does she love me?” It has nuances. It takes time.
Not only that. Matthew knows that the possibility of doubt never goes away in the life of a disciple. This is true from the original Apostles right down to you and me today. God is not interested in turning us into automatons. He is seeking a heart-to-heart, ongoing relationship. In that kind of relationship there is always the possibility of our turning away, of refusing.
In his influence and guidance of our lives, God constantly challenges us to come closer, to walk with him more perfectly, to order our priorities and the use of our energy, time, talk, and gifts in new ways. Our imperfection is deep. Our own need for healing is great. Our reluctance to take a step in a direction he may point out to us can be well-founded so far as we can see. We may find ourselves worshiping—and struggling with doubt, at least at times. Faith and faithfulness grow when facing challenges.
For further reflection:
With Matthew, the last line is the bottom line.
When Moses encounters God in the burning bush, he asks God to tell him what his name is. God replies with the enigmatic statement, “I AM”. Tell them, Moses, tell the people “I AM” sent me to you. The one God. The One who IS, therefore the (only) one you can trust and build your lives around.
Now Jesus, in this very last line of Matthew’s Gospel, spells it out again, even more clearly, the single most important thing for everyone to hear: “I AM WITH YOU.” That is who God is: Jesus is the God “I AM with you.” The only God there is, is right beside us, and in us (Eucharist) and empowering us, communing with us, from now on.
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